"I despise salesmen," Matilda informed her Aunt Harriet.
"Especially house-to-house salesmen."
"Why?" inquired Aunt Harriet.
"Because I hate being cheated".
"I have bought brushes and cosmetics from salesmen and I haven't had any problems," said Aunt Harriet."
"Well, I have been sold too many useless and worthless things. A vacuum cleaner that blows instead of sucks, an electric heater that shorts out the fuses, a set of stainless steel pots and pans that rast.... "
"Is that why you have the sign outside, SALESMEN NOT ALLOWED!?"
"Yes, that sign is the only practical thing I ever bought from a salesman!"
Movie and Dog
A man running a little behind schedule arrives at a picture theatre, goes in to watch the movie that has already started, and as his eyes adjust to the darkness, he is surprised to see a dog sitting beside its master in the row ahead, intently watching the movie. It even seemed to be enjoying the movie: wagging its tail in the happy bits, drooping its ears at the sad bits, and hiding its eyes with its paws at the scary bits. After the movie, the man approaches the dogs owner,
"Jeez mate, your dog really seemed to enjoy the movie. I'm amazed!"
"Yes, I'm amazed also," came the reply. "He hated the book."
A man asked his wife: "What would you most like for your birthday?"
She said: "I'd love to be ten again."
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off
they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park, the Death Slide,
The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. Everything there was, she had a go.
She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head spinning and
her stomach upside down. Into McDonald's they went, where she was given
a Double Big Mac with extra fries and a strawberry shake.
Then off to a theatre to see Star Wars-more hot dogs, popcorn, cola and sweets.
At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"
One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, I meant dress size."
Nancy was having coffee with Helen.
Nancy asked: "How do you know your husband loves you?"
"He takes out the garbage every morning".
"That's not love. That's good housekeeping.
"My husband gives me all the spending money I need."
"That's not love. That's generosity."
"My husband never looks at other women."
"That's not love. That's poor vision."
"John always opens the door for me."
"That's not love. That's good manners."
"John kisses me even when I've eaten garlic and I have curlers in my hair."
"Now, that's love."